Mind is like a universe. There are numerous may be sometimes countless thoughts propagating at dissimilar frequencies. The waves having different amplitude due to different level of gravity. Sometimes with ever increasing entropy and sometimes with discrete levels of energy subjugating each other. The self is involved in a dual to end this chaotic set of events.The inability to find a solution hassles the efforts of consciousness and we feel frustrated.A kind of anxiety conjures and we get trapped in it.The thoughts, most of them are nebulous and we let them disappear before taking a form out of the fear, that most of it are useless junk , aroused randomly due to entropy. Osho says be the vacuum in between the thoughts. Be the space between two troughs and crests , be the zero.
I fear this zero, not because it gives contentment and i hate contentment, instead i wish to fluctuate in a state of contentment.Can we ? The fear that i have is of being dead without a single thought propelling me to seek some purpose. What is our purpose ? The fear is of failing to convert nebulous waves into some useful purpose. The fear is of useless inactivity. The fear is of emptyness. The fear is of feeling like a lone start wobbling in infinite universe without a cause. The cause is important, is it? I shall not fear to disclose it infront of you all , this fear is one of my greatest fear or the only fear that i have.The fear of purposeless being. The fear of being dissolved into present , just to know that it never existed at all. No matter how much i wish to rationalize my efforts , the dilemma still persists.
The way through vacuum is a beautiful thing, believe me. I have seen it. The capability to live in spaces, without occupying one, fascinates me. The idea of dissolved self. The idea of bliss. The idea of space without rationality or reason. The idea of being occupied of nothing but your own self. The idea of feeling your torso, your feet. The idea of feeling grass beneath your feet.The idea of experiencing all thoughts disappearing , decaying in a second. The idea of feeling the pleasure of solitude.The idea of disenchantment loosing grip. The idea of fading expectations , The idea of transforming yourself from a being into super being. But Is that I wish or strive for?
All that is inhuman and yet fascinates us. All that is supra catches our imagination.All that is meant for supernatural experiences terrifies our senses, we plunge ourselves in search of the thrill? But Is their any thrill in being senseless? Is there thrill in being inhuman? Is there thrill without expectations ? Is there thrill without thoughts?Is there thrill without being aware of the microcosmic pleasures that treble our feelings? Is there a thrill without being in a state of continuous conflict and yet believing in a way out? Is there a bigger thrill then finding a way out of chaos into a new chaos.? Is there a way through which we can gain experience and feel content with the reality then being fully absorbed into it or rather die trying , seeking bliss? The way is right here , infront of all of us. There can be multiple ways to be content , but not a way fascinating then the one that chaos leads us to.