The Excess of “Gyaan”.

Sitting opposite to my interviewer,I was feeling strange-not nervous at all.I wanted to be nervous, but coudn’t manage to achieve it. He stretched his neck into the laptop and asked me to introduce myself. It was strange,for my resume covers most of me.I was numb for almost two minutes and then he argued further,”resume doesn’t talks” which I replied in haste, Ohhh!! You want me to talk..As I started pouring all my “Gyaan” infront of him..but i forgot to introduce my readers with this word called Gyaan..It means knowledge.Gyaan is a hindi word.So i strated pouring all my gyaan about my self infront of him, which invited unwanted attention and subsequent questions…As it enters into it’s final stage, My interviewer asked me , “why did you skip Kashmir and chose other news items”. To which i humbly replied that , I dont follow Kashmir..and invited a subsequent question, why?? I added further, I cannot see a state perpetrating atrocities on its own subjects..But the interviewer was a patriot, how can one criticize govt infront of him.He argued for stop reading ‘The Hindu” as its anti state..I was bewildered with this excess of Gyaan being poured upon me..I chipped in and countered, it’s pro people, pro citizen thinking and might at times be conflictual with the orthodox govt view but to change govt’s orthodox views on the matters of rights of individuals is what a responsible citizen and press strives for..The interviewer was confident, like all patriots.And he must be.He was overflowing with gyaan.And i was confused.

As we evolve, our abilities to understand things gets better.This doesn’t necessarily means that we ought to be responsible all the time. As a biological machine, we ought to make mistakes.To err is human, a famous saying argues.With evolution, as our capabilities enhance and some of us become more equal then others, we often get overwhelmed.Overwhelmed by the sheer joy of being an intellectual and a thinker.And sometimes a practitioner.There are ideas which captivate our imaginations. We make them our ideologies. I donot see affection but an attachment to ideas and ideologies.Its necessary at times, for it puts much needed passion and gravity in our actions or efforts.We strive and argue for and against and often in the process forget to learn.The idea of human machine is a self evolving one. How do we evolve?? I think by continuously challenging our preconceived notions and prejudices.It’s a much needed exercise which challenges the orthodox in us and enhances our rationality, before we go obsolete.The state of perpetual proclamation of sovereignty over knowledge and overwhelming zeal to act as the guardian of ideology is what I call as “Excess of Gyaan”. Is it harmful-in the relative terms it’s destructive.All of us, once or twice in life go through this zeal of overwhelming urge to pour our knowledge onto someone else and contend a right over his inability or confusion.So sure we do feel.Like my interviewer who was so sure of his acumen that he argued against a newspaper which has a history of fighting against britishers and socio economic and socio psychological disparity.How well thought he was before he astonishingly dethroned a millenia old newspaper from its right ful place.The argument here is that, how do we judge? Judgement demands understanding and subsequesntly I argue, do we have time to understand?? Most of us usually never bother of thinking.Perhaps that’s human nature.Then how do we evolve? How do we better ourselves? How do we break such stereotypes? It’s a bit tough situation.The argumentation has crossed limits of self correction.In order to put ourselves frankly, we are enforcing ourselves onto others.Do we ever think, whether to argue or not to??

This question brings me to another observation. Most of us argue in order to defeat.The argumentative character is somehow missing.The debates get passionate as huge amount of ego’s clash and inorder to attain somethinh we attain nothing but a demise , notonly of the level of public discourse but of the tradition and learning as well.The excess of gyaan hurts us severely here.Inability to understand that one must think whether is it necessary to make an argument and will it judge the other guy and if it does what rationale and reason do we have to substantiate our argument, is ironic.

At the core of argumentative nature is  a zeal to learn and as Professor Sen argues, an ability to not to get overwhelmed by an idea.The excess of Gyaan is a curse to healthy public discourse.It hampers growth and evolutionary process.It’s imperative to develop within ourselves a tendency to accept and embrace our existence along with counter currents as well.


“Losing it all”

She: I think we should stop talking

Me: I knew this was coming…..

She: If you know everything, then why at the very first stance you did it? Anyways, who am i to say anything to you??


And this is how i lost another friend of mine.Does it hurts? Ofcourse. DOes it pains?? Ofcours yes.But then as once Sen argued,  that we have layers of heart if one breaks the other one covers it up. Making friends is not my habit, but losing one seems to be.I don’t count assets as friends.Some does, but that’s their problem.I don’t make too many friends , some does, that’s their problem.I lose too many friends , some do not and that’s entirely my problem.I can count them all on my fingers-I celebrate it-and slowly and steadily I am amputating one by one all of my fingers-I pity that.My contact list is shorter than an A4 size paper.Some envy it.To me it’s a luxury-perhaps I don’t even bother about storing numbers.

We are limited. Our horizon is regulated or perhaps amputated.Sometimes we move upside down, just to have another way , another angle and another measure to visualize this world.I tried it, but still didn’t find any way to secure a friends due presence.I think I’m dumb.I read Simon.He argued that our rationality is bounded.I tried rationality and yet failed to find any way to secure my friends.I was bound to fail.May be my friends were extra-rational organisms.I read Follet, she said , conflict occurs when two different desires intersect each other.I tried to dominate, but she argued, do not..I then tried to compromise ..and she argued that compromises exacerbate desires..And then she asked for integration…And I was dumb enough to integrate every other desire except mine and yet, I failed.Mc gregor once said, a good manager steers away right in the middle of conflict without exacerbating the conflict but by resolving it.I tried to steer but they sank my boat by arguing , Dont fucking manipulate ..

Sometimes i think, am I the only one losing it all.I see human as an accumulation of all that they are not.We are a conglomeration of relations , assets so on and so forth.We accumulate.And in this way I find myself weird.I think I am less human.Other then fundamentals, i have nothing else to rejoice. I never made friends with ideals.Once, before leaving, a friend called me an “Idealist”.I was perturbed.Love is fundamental, how can you call a person,  who beholds love and compassion above rest of the world, an idealist??? I was bemused. I think I am dumb.Couldn’t get her.I pity my understanding.I think i talk a lot.But then another friend said,that “you are very patient.You give me space and listen to me.”I am abnormal.And as an abnormal person i feel the heat of opinions.Sometimes i don’t care but on the other occasions, I use to delete my contact list and profiles.I have no physical friends.Probably few.Sometimes I think I m losing it all like my mind and on the other occasions I am full of anxiety.Not of losing people–its a routine ofcourse-but of amputating my fingers.Do you understand ??

Why do we lose people? Or perhaps why do we accumulate them in the first place. In “The Social Contract”,Rousseau argued that , “man is a social animal”.Solitude is a luxury but social interaction–a necessity. Jainism argues that, the moment we are born our meter starts to run.The Karmic meter.”Karma is the bane of soul”–Jainism.Relations I think are Karmic in nature.”We are our choices”, argued Satre. A bad choice and we are done. That’s what happened with me……May be or perhaps i have no right to put people into categories of good and bad or right and wrong.If on a generalized plane I could see, i think the most fitting thing for them would be– is to leave me.Afterall Affording stupidity is un-economic and unhygienic.No???I don’t know about others , but I lose people, coz I care for them and love them.This is an abnormal activity.And I am particularly good in all of my bad habits.I don’t wish to prune myself of it.

Will it ever stop?? How long can i afford?? How many left? Who is well deserved? Should I go into Social seclusion? Noooooooo..Never..Okey…can I think of deleting my contact list and social media profile again!!!!!!!!

The anxiety of loosing it all, of being alone at the end.Its like heaven.A heaven without people to interact, to listen, to cheer, to share and so on….You loose people and you realize nothing is more prized then a shared happiness and a sorrow being discussed.You loose people and realize how sane this world is and how insane the things in your room are.You loose people and realize..Love hurts..You loose people and realize..all hurts are momentary but to some wounds ..this hope that their is no transmigration of soul gives a sigh of relief…Alas, with the last breath, their will be an end to all of it…


And It’s Half DOne Yet

I looked out of the window.It was cold out there, colder then in here , inside the room.Strong ground guzzling sound of trucks was penetrating the feary silence of night.Every nook and corner was infiltrated by the haze.A shallow mist hanging right few feet over the ground.Like all of a sudden, distance between stars and the earth collapsed into few meters.The only visible object was a neem tree.Silent! standing like a branched pillar.Leaves were calm but sad, not sleepy at ol.I looked around.I thought , He will come.My friend Rupesh.He left half drunk.I observed continence. I usually do not.But at home, U cant argue against ur principles.Yes, sometimes i do get carried away.After all we are human’s. Made to err, No? By the way, I registered my self again on Facebook.Though I feel Social media as an important way to express ourselves, yet something in me argues for solitude.I prefer books over People.Often, Dog’s fight at nights act as a reminder, Not All are Asleep…No? During the last six days, the number of dogfights overtook actual number of dogs.Sometimes I hate it.Yes I know, Its an expression of life, But it’s fucking chaotic.It breaks the rhythm of night. Nothing , I feel in this world is more beautiful then the rhythm that night attains.Its smooth and as a friend Calls every time, “Nice”. This calmness looks nice.To seek it in chaos, makes it more valuable.The day to day chaos.Past six days flew like a bird.There was fear before that.A fear not of failure but of an nonviable attempt to success.The barrier was high.And our weak mind often construes meager things as an exaggerated  expression of reality.Fear was natural, for an insight into losing some very attainable point of peak experience fills us with a deep psychological pressure.I turned so many pages, that i forget counting them.Black ink soaked pages.Repeated underlines had a different story.That someone went through them many a times, yet failed to recollect them.No, Not the meaning, but the exact expression.Word by word.For some it’s important that u become machine in process.They force you to go through same things so many times, that you will become a simple cog in the machine.A fitting nut–maybe.Some nights went sleepless, Almost. And some went in fighting with the sleepy hollow.Green carpet on my floor almost got occupied with a heap of useless waste.The A4 size waste.The whole spine went through the tyranny  of constructing a machine out of this meaty loaf called body.I think I m exaggerating it.Often I took it in lighter way.It needs to be, for human has much to achieve and aspire  than to become mere a bull.Doing repetitive tasks ever and ever again.The whole nature of modern system has changed into an exploitative one.Six hours of continuous writing on a wall, and yet the demand remains unsatisfied.As and when I looked down the two floors, to the ground from the balcony adjacent to the rum where i was allotted a no, I saw machines.Knowledge workers , may be.After ol attempt is to make exploitation symbolically attractive, No?I differ with Marx. Strongly differ with him.His ways were radical.Aspirational.His attempt was bold.But his understanding was one of the best thing.The most lucrative thing, for any oppressed.Though i differ with him yet somewhere when it comes to recruitments into civil services, I cannot but confer with him.The whole attempt is to make it elitist.More machinic.More distant from the general conscience.If there were some not so good things then there were some good tooTall girls attract you immediately.But the percentage was below 2%.See quantification has become an inherent trait.We use to pass smile.Sometimes , there was a strong urge to reach out to her.Her pencil bottom jeans, reaching just upto her bellies.Oh! no, it was a converse shoe. Her round face, with a mole right below at the left of her lower lip.Not adjacent but a few centimeters away from it.She was calm, pleasant and her nose was sharp pointed.Chin was round. Overall face was round and complexion a bit dusky.Dusky looks sexxy No.Six days we met and had eye contact. No words exchanged.May be she was expecting me to take the first step.May be i was to thinking the same.May be there was something tied inside me, which revoked myself.  And finally we crossed each other and walk along different lines, May be to never meet each other, Perhaps Yes.

SO the fight is on.The effort is for a change.And to bring forth change one requires authority.”Authority commensurate to responsibility” as Fayol argued.After all these moments of last night fights one feels, what the fuck have you been doing  through out all those years.But to remember, Human beings suffer from what Simon called Bounded Rationality.The utility maximizer after all these efforts feels, So much for so little ,”And Yet, Its Half DOne”.



Empathy And Relativity

Globalization has changed all the dynamics of the world. The politics of a nation cannot be seen from a parochial lense, for every other thing which happens globally affects it , in this or the other way.We don’t live in silos’s no matter how big a loner we are. On a broader ground we all are affected by what happens globally.Transport and then technology has revolutionized the world of information. We live in shared world of incidents, events jubilations and sorrows.Forgive me for not mentioning accidents.Transport first made the connectivity easy and accessable and then ever evolving Information and technology revolution actually plugged us into one loop.We share hope and sorrows with each other.The era is of ever evolving enlightenment where technology is enlightening us to the new vistas of happenings.How do we relate ourselves to the world is a subjective-if not positive sciences- decision.Social media has emerged as a powerful tool.A tool which has provided us with a platform onto which we can not only express and assume significance but listen and understand the world equally as well.It has its perils no doubt and we have all seen how it is being used as a tool by the propagandist organisations to fulfill their vested interest and in this way , it has become very hard for us to maintain neutrality in observing and understanding events in their full context. This forces us to look for relativity.

Without going into the multimillion dynamics of relativity as phenomenon , I would like to concentrate on the very effect of it on empathy.I think that the most easiest way to understand any concept is either by example or case study. This brings to us a more event by event but an evolved continuum.of thought.I would like to focus on the recent international acts of terror and our relative empathy shown–in terms of ethics why is it questionable?

A day before Paris attacks, suicide bombers killed more then 50 in beirut, lebanon. A few days back Russian plane which first thought to be crashed in Sinai , Egypt but later asserted to be bombed by the various intelligence agencies, killed all people on board.All 224 people.And then happened Paris more then 129 dead and many injured , fighting for life.Paris attacks happened much like our Bombay attacks. Yes in the same fashion , like Bombay has become a fashion in the world of terrorism.In all these attacks all equally valuable lives were massacred brutally.The common thread between all these attacks was Islamic state in Iraq and Levant (ISIL or ISIS) or “Daesh”–once a small offshoot of Al-quaeda — Jabhat an-Nuṣrah li-Ahli ash-Shām. The group has a $2bn  empire spread over Syria, Libya and Iraq. Taking the responsibility of the attacks the group swared for more of this type attacks at various parts of the world–Also confirmed by CIA Chief.Whole world mourned the Paris attack.It should.We ought to support humanity wherever possible.Its our Dharma indeed.Not religion of-corse.We supported people of paris in their fight against terror. The whole world united in this fight against terror against innocent lives.From Obama, China to G-20 , every leader and every country supported France.The empathy shown by the people of the world is remarkable.Technology unites us all in  tough times.But do u think we are equally emphatic in our fight against terror? DO you think we are equally assertive in expressing our support against terrorism? DO u thing we are equally empathic to other victims of terror at the various other parts of the world including the one’s i mentioned above? DO u think we are moved more by the global consensus and less by our own conscience? DO u think it is also a lack of information and vigor with which a cause is taken which affects our decision making capability , whether what to support and what to not? Is our empathy relative? Or we are selective in our outrage–a motive enforced upon dissenters now day’s in India.

A friend kold me up.We discussed current scenario on phone.He told me he got bullied by some right wingers for asking a simple question to Mr Mark Zuckerberg.The question was of ethics.WHere is my flag of beirut and Russia Mr Zuckerberg.A valid point from the lense of ethics. Yes I can judge.”Ethics deals with standard by which we judge human actions”.From the ethical point of view life of each and every  individual is important whether he be French or Russian or lebanon.Since Daesh was involved in all of these terror incidents , then it becomes another argument. Also to add , all attacks of terror must be denounced strongly in the same fashion.We ought to equate all incidents of terror and must strongly raise our voice against it.Zukerberg did it in one case and avoided in the other and since being a public personality, it’s his duty to show his dissent equally for other as well.We also cannot argue that he lacked information.Such an idea to relate ourselves to one society or people of one country and neglecting others , who too are equally being targeted shows a lack of ethics in orientation of our empathy.It reminds me of Orwell’s classic, Änimal Farm”in which he argues “All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.” Those who killed in beirut and Sina were humans too.Victor hugo once argued –““Being good is easy, what is difficult is being just.”

It can be argued that i m in a hurry to judge as  seneca said…“Auditur et altera pars. (The other side shall be heard as well.)”.It’s a fair point.But there must come arguments from the other side , not personal attcks. We forget often that our opinion must be supported by arguments–facts ofcorse.We must have a context to talk about and reasons to form an opinion.To put a motive onto someone before understanding the gravity and depth of the argument is actually like killing the debate.It’s more of a generation of inherent fear , fear of being criticised, fear of being revealed, fear of being rightly understood, fear of some incapacity to comprehend the thought.It is complete lack of empathy–often inculcated by poor reasoning and relating our self to one ideology.Or in terms of Amartya sen, it’s like embracing identity as violence.My friend complained me.It was genuine complaint, because alleging someone to be a sympathizer for merely questioning ur reasons , only bigot’s do that or its a quality inherited by despots.George orwell once said , “If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”It is his right as a democratic citizen to question, to put into public discourse what people ignore to hear or do not want to hear. There shud be some empathy on the part of reader to give space for the arguments to reveal the context and horizon of the thought or else he is jeopardizing Free thought.We must inculcate a just practice of empathy. We must show respect and sincerity in our arguments.Ethics tells us that every argument must be listened to before being judged.Every argument must be judged on the basis of systematic standards of reason.Only an independent listener can have a proper understanding of what a writer wants to convey.Being prejudiced by the relative identity will only jeopardize our discretion.Empathy must be just not relative.Orwell once argued, ““The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better.” It all depends upon our preferences and values.

Anxiety and Me

As I entered the room , I  looked fit, physically. Oh!  Of-course I am. I thought it was mental fitness which compelled me day after day to become more abstract in expressions.The sudden overturns in mood often draw me towards galloping depths of abysmal abyss. Its cyclical as it happens every week .People celebrate their weekends by toasting beers , and I here in my closet use to celebrate my weekend in self pity with fully or completely drowned in tears. The countdown often begins with sudden mood swings which I often fail to acknowledge until it culminates into a full grown storm of anxiety which obviously ends in some deep cries or some washing away of all that is unwanted and unwarranted. The unprecedented pain that these cycles of Anxiety usually carry with it, is beyond words.  I had always abhor this sort of living as I have never been used to it and now deeply driven by it I fancy to conflate it . Perhaps something went wrong with my stars or maybe they are too bruised and busy in contemplating their funeral in some inexplicable tricky ways so as to perplex the  world. I fancy such words like joy , like happiness , like incredible , wait! Wait a second!  Incredible is something I am very well aware of. Of-course I do, I feel incredible shocks of anxiety every now and then. See, this is how my father taught me, How to translate your feelings into catchy statements. My father often advice me that , son , when u are translating , do two things

  1. Imagine
  2. Deliver in words which are everyday in use but profound in understanding.

I never did it. Perhaps I never ever even tried to be a good son or maybe I never thought that my father deserved some sense of understanding on my part. Some guilt is inevitable in our lives. The effort is to minimise, of-course the injury. I also fancy some meaning out of my cerebral incapacity to deal with these sudden gusts of anxieties. Perhaps lonely star cries too much and in the process dies out of its own mass. Then there is absolute nothingness that prevails wide and large over my sight. I do and most often fail to recognize that what i perceive depressive is a blessing in disguise. How many of us are blessed with this ability to wash our own selves of our own selves?  Very few indeed, I agree but then I never wanted this. To demand something out of life, we all fantasize it but this???? I never longed for such a dismaying outcome. Sometimes unwanted gifts bring forth  a continuum of endless longings and yearnings. Yeah one thing that I learnt during this whole so called journey ( from nothingness to nothingness)  is,  capability to disguise sorrows into happiness. Perhaps I never presumed such a level of long lasting cycles of solitude. I don’t know how people proclaim that solitude propels their flight, It nearly killed mine. I envy such people. I visit my solitude whenever I need some space to do so-called coward act of conjuring tears out of my eyes. It seems perfect at time. This art u know , to conjure tears out of now where , without anything to cry for but yet when these fire balls roll down the slipper bumpy roads , I don’t know how and what makes me feel good? Whether there is something called good? And if it persists , it must be luxury of some hardcore evangelist who  enforces self made standards on abstract things. I don’t know what asks me to forget every damn thing and just be lost in crying, washing one’s self of one’s own self. Emptying one’s self is a necessity in this terrible world which always wishes to make u rotate on its own term and conditions. I fancy such life where I can live by my rules and can afford my own wishes. I envy people who live one or may be many live in a single moment. I wish I could learn it.

And as I look back, I see ,I wrote a whole damn essay while evaporating my pathetic condition. I presume, readers gonna puke their vile upon me in a disguised fashion known as sympathy. We don’t need sympathy we need good listeners who can listen to us incessantly without being uncomfortable for a second. Do they exist? Seek and shall you find (bible) . But then I m gonna cry once more and wash it all out of me. Alas I found some use of this anxiety.


“Its love that matters”

‪#‎Governments‬ and ‪#‎laws‬ are and should have to be progressive in nature.Laws are meant to regulate a just ‪#‎social‬ contract.Governments work for the progress and prosperity of civil society.Our ‪#‎freedom‬ to choose our sexual orientation is a natural right of ours.No one else then us have the sovereignty over our body and this ensures right to choose our love.‪#‎LGBT‬people do have the same rights as we have and therefore their will should not perish at the the hands of colonial mindset.The Right to ‪#‎love‬ is an inherent part of ‪#‎human‬ definition.Its love that matters not the sex of the partner.Law should have to be progressive rather than rigid in its orientation.Change is the law of nature.We must have the courage and will to accept and embrace the inherent diversity in human orientation and definition. ‪#‎Right‬ to ‪#‎equality‬ must ensure that no one shall be differentiated in the court of law on the basis of sex along with other defined objectives.But what if our laws have inherent contradictions?DO we have the courage to Accept the grave ‪#‎mistake‬ and ‪#‎injustice‬ that we are perpetuating by trampling upon the rights of LGBT? Think????

The purpose of life

As we grow older , the most easiest of the human queries turns into nightmares.Our longing for a deeper understanding of basic phenomenons turns out to be a nightmare at times.The world as we read in theories seems more perplexed in reality.We often trail the same paths to seek something out of it.Something which can be meaningful or which gives meaning to world and indirectly to us or vice-versa.It looks to us the we are nothing more than the choices we made or are going to make. And in this way we identify ourselves in terms of bewildered and often unresolved puzzles.Are we?So eager and impatient we often turn out in our search that we make vague notions as purpose of life giving meaning to it in an absolute way.Is it possible?Though introductory it is for the human existence to find meaning yet subtle it becomes when assessed in the terms of feasibility.Confusing arguments often derails our consciousness from the right track and we find that life is synonymous with nothingness–an abyss we love the most and find as truly an inescapable trap.The most superficial thing turns out to be the most complex and we run to take refuge midst chaotic understandings of life.Biologically the way life enfolds itself is truly a remarkable observation.It gives us hint towards a continuous evolution.An evolution of nothing into something more meaningful.The transformation of single cellular organism into multicellular and then on and on ….and we get a transformation of information as purpose of life so that life as a living entity must proclaim its rightful place in the universe.The quest is also of trying to establish living as “Unique”, for it is able to define as well as confine itself in subtle notions of purpose and meaning.And biologically we say purpose of life is to transfer information form one gene to another from one generation to another.True to my mind it looks.

Truth is a subjective reality and so is interpretation.It might differ from individual to individual and there might be every possibility that not every one is in quest for purpose and yet unconsciously fulfilling his/her purpose and giving meaning to his/her life.There cannot be an absolute truth , can there be ? on the basis of this logic we can presume that purpose of life might differ from individual to individual.The way each and every individual see’s his/her purpose transforms meaning of his/her life.On a generalized level we can say purpose must be something which fulfills a purpose of giving meaning to life.Some may argue , happiness some may observe joy and some might even go further and denounce the very fact and argue meaning of life as nothingness.As we all are travelling into an abyss unknown.Death whether transforms our energy or not, that’s a questions we must let the future to decide on.Vague ideas cannot be purpose for it needs to be definitive so as to bring or invigorate a sense of achievement flavored with motivation.This I believe is the purpose of giving a purpose of life.It might not be , I argue too.Confused though this argument looks but clear it is in its orientation as it furthers an important notion that there should be something meaningful attached to life which imbibes a sense of pride in being unique as an entity.This way I m sure the purpose of life must be living , for future is unknown as we cant exist for the time in five dimensions and therefore we can argue that , future holds key.Past is as immaterial as future when it comes to purpose.The distressed nature of this search ends if we should not consume our present in deciding whats the purpose is and rather believe in living the present. The purpose this way ensures its existence as uncertainty unfold the reality hidden in the future which gives meaning to life.How shall one live is the question we must work on ?