A River of Memories

Last time we talked, it was march at its top. Previous night, a whole bucket of water ran down and broke the troughs of normalcy at my wall. With my legs folded, entrapped , encircled under my hands and my eyes fixed on the screen of my laptop, my heart yearned for a walk into the past.Broken chains, dismantled traumatic events, signs of no relief , I looked back in a deep sigh of despairing longingness.Some songs doing rounds and silence so provocative….Some nostalgic moments hanging on walls of my heart.Hanging and hinged.The nails run deeper into the valves.And with profound despair i longed for you.longed for the hugs and the kisses. Longed the cuddles and early morning misses.Longed for the voice of u on the phone, for some of ur caller tones.Longed for the kajrari eyes and the glares.Longed for the winds rolling down ur hairs.Longed for the Scent of ur body , sticky sweat.Sounds while you pee..Your thought lingers longer than it seems.Like a snake our memories roll over me and in midst of ur hisses I often plunged into a river–of memories. A river of dark ruminations–of chain of events–long forgotten.So to say that i miss u took me longer than i presumed , notwithstanding this, I feel u are  distant then i cud ever assume.Ur voice sound familiar but the behaviour so strange.Some say judging is crime, but that’s what all judges do.

I felt, you were standing on the opposite side of the river. Your voice filled me with a hope– ruined off soon.As i digged deeper into my being.I  Felt–Wounds are here to stay–it doesn’t matters whether we forgive or forget.I wanted to cross that river and run into you and tell you all the truths I have been through.But the stranger in you sound bold….My burnt soul whispered, Hold on–for you can’t see–now this person exists on the parallel side of the river…You questioned–i was in fear.It was u–My  worst nightmare.On the opposite side of the river, standing in ur tall boots, u hardly know..What i  have been through.We shared this river of memories.We shared those cuddles.We shared those hugs.We shared those kisses.We shared some bites.We shared casual fights.We shared some laughter while ur eyeballs shined.We shared some common space and lived in each others place.We shared some moments of mutual love.We swam in river holding each other’s hand.We were there when the sun sat on the other side.You found refugee in my lap, when nights were cold and the moon was dark.We shoot the stars during starry nights and made tunnels through constellations .

People change , I often see.They become stranger, that perplexes me.You said u lived under my skin..And ruined me of the the very soul so akin..I hope some day, while passing through riverside…u might see the mighty tides of belongingness..It all turns cold and dark..like the Red sea.And may u  feel..How notwithstanding time, love bleeds…….



Empathy And Relativity

Globalization has changed all the dynamics of the world. The politics of a nation cannot be seen from a parochial lense, for every other thing which happens globally affects it , in this or the other way.We don’t live in silos’s no matter how big a loner we are. On a broader ground we all are affected by what happens globally.Transport and then technology has revolutionized the world of information. We live in shared world of incidents, events jubilations and sorrows.Forgive me for not mentioning accidents.Transport first made the connectivity easy and accessable and then ever evolving Information and technology revolution actually plugged us into one loop.We share hope and sorrows with each other.The era is of ever evolving enlightenment where technology is enlightening us to the new vistas of happenings.How do we relate ourselves to the world is a subjective-if not positive sciences- decision.Social media has emerged as a powerful tool.A tool which has provided us with a platform onto which we can not only express and assume significance but listen and understand the world equally as well.It has its perils no doubt and we have all seen how it is being used as a tool by the propagandist organisations to fulfill their vested interest and in this way , it has become very hard for us to maintain neutrality in observing and understanding events in their full context. This forces us to look for relativity.

Without going into the multimillion dynamics of relativity as phenomenon , I would like to concentrate on the very effect of it on empathy.I think that the most easiest way to understand any concept is either by example or case study. This brings to us a more event by event but an evolved continuum.of thought.I would like to focus on the recent international acts of terror and our relative empathy shown–in terms of ethics why is it questionable?

A day before Paris attacks, suicide bombers killed more then 50 in beirut, lebanon. A few days back Russian plane which first thought to be crashed in Sinai , Egypt but later asserted to be bombed by the various intelligence agencies, killed all people on board.All 224 people.And then happened Paris more then 129 dead and many injured , fighting for life.Paris attacks happened much like our Bombay attacks. Yes in the same fashion , like Bombay has become a fashion in the world of terrorism.In all these attacks all equally valuable lives were massacred brutally.The common thread between all these attacks was Islamic state in Iraq and Levant (ISIL or ISIS) or “Daesh”–once a small offshoot of Al-quaeda — Jabhat an-Nuṣrah li-Ahli ash-Shām. The group has a $2bn  empire spread over Syria, Libya and Iraq. Taking the responsibility of the attacks the group swared for more of this type attacks at various parts of the world–Also confirmed by CIA Chief.Whole world mourned the Paris attack.It should.We ought to support humanity wherever possible.Its our Dharma indeed.Not religion of-corse.We supported people of paris in their fight against terror. The whole world united in this fight against terror against innocent lives.From Obama, China to G-20 , every leader and every country supported France.The empathy shown by the people of the world is remarkable.Technology unites us all in  tough times.But do u think we are equally emphatic in our fight against terror? DO you think we are equally assertive in expressing our support against terrorism? DO u thing we are equally empathic to other victims of terror at the various other parts of the world including the one’s i mentioned above? DO u think we are moved more by the global consensus and less by our own conscience? DO u think it is also a lack of information and vigor with which a cause is taken which affects our decision making capability , whether what to support and what to not? Is our empathy relative? Or we are selective in our outrage–a motive enforced upon dissenters now day’s in India.

A friend kold me up.We discussed current scenario on phone.He told me he got bullied by some right wingers for asking a simple question to Mr Mark Zuckerberg.The question was of ethics.WHere is my flag of beirut and Russia Mr Zuckerberg.A valid point from the lense of ethics. Yes I can judge.”Ethics deals with standard by which we judge human actions”.From the ethical point of view life of each and every  individual is important whether he be French or Russian or lebanon.Since Daesh was involved in all of these terror incidents , then it becomes another argument. Also to add , all attacks of terror must be denounced strongly in the same fashion.We ought to equate all incidents of terror and must strongly raise our voice against it.Zukerberg did it in one case and avoided in the other and since being a public personality, it’s his duty to show his dissent equally for other as well.We also cannot argue that he lacked information.Such an idea to relate ourselves to one society or people of one country and neglecting others , who too are equally being targeted shows a lack of ethics in orientation of our empathy.It reminds me of Orwell’s classic, Änimal Farm”in which he argues “All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.” Those who killed in beirut and Sina were humans too.Victor hugo once argued –““Being good is easy, what is difficult is being just.”

It can be argued that i m in a hurry to judge as  seneca said…“Auditur et altera pars. (The other side shall be heard as well.)”.It’s a fair point.But there must come arguments from the other side , not personal attcks. We forget often that our opinion must be supported by arguments–facts ofcorse.We must have a context to talk about and reasons to form an opinion.To put a motive onto someone before understanding the gravity and depth of the argument is actually like killing the debate.It’s more of a generation of inherent fear , fear of being criticised, fear of being revealed, fear of being rightly understood, fear of some incapacity to comprehend the thought.It is complete lack of empathy–often inculcated by poor reasoning and relating our self to one ideology.Or in terms of Amartya sen, it’s like embracing identity as violence.My friend complained me.It was genuine complaint, because alleging someone to be a sympathizer for merely questioning ur reasons , only bigot’s do that or its a quality inherited by despots.George orwell once said , “If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”It is his right as a democratic citizen to question, to put into public discourse what people ignore to hear or do not want to hear. There shud be some empathy on the part of reader to give space for the arguments to reveal the context and horizon of the thought or else he is jeopardizing Free thought.We must inculcate a just practice of empathy. We must show respect and sincerity in our arguments.Ethics tells us that every argument must be listened to before being judged.Every argument must be judged on the basis of systematic standards of reason.Only an independent listener can have a proper understanding of what a writer wants to convey.Being prejudiced by the relative identity will only jeopardize our discretion.Empathy must be just not relative.Orwell once argued, ““The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better.” It all depends upon our preferences and values.

Nehru on Gandhi’s assassination

Must read

Out of Context

This is not the famous “The light has gone out of our life” speech [transcript], but a speech he gave to Parliament on Feb 2, 1948. Other versions on the web are truncated in interesting ways.

Cartier-Bresson’s iconic photo of Nehru announcing Gandhi’s assassination at Birla House:


Source: Magnum Photos. More on the photo from Iconic Photos.

I have a sense of utter shame both as an individual and as head of the government of India that we should have failed to protect the greatest treasure we possessed. It is our failure in the past many months, to give protection to many an innocent man, woman and child. It may be that that burden and task was too great for us or for any government; nevertheless, it is a failure, and today the fact that this mighty person, whom we honoured and loved beyond…

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“Fight For Equity while fighting Climate Change “

As we are moving towards 21st Conference Of Parties at Paris , expectations of reaching to an agreement on Climate change are getting higher. Nearly 150 countries have declared their Intended and Nationally determined Contributions for fighting Climate Change. India also declared its INDC’s keeping in mind its right to development.Upto a Large extent, Around the world and on social media, the goals targeted by India received positive response. Global response , being positive managed to kept more then 4*C increase in temperature(a worst case scenario) out of the table. Now at the least the focus is to maintain a maximum 2*C increment in the temperature levels, since the post industrial era. This though seems impossible as analyst found more then 2.5 degree increment in temperature inevitable by the end of this century.Having said this, we must also look at the possible impact of this climate change on the various regions. As the IPCC 5th assessment report establishes that the climate change is going to have a serious implications for the tropical countries of which most are either least developed and developing. This also means that these countries are paying for the sins committed by the developed world. A report in The guardian finds pacific islands already getting submerged. India too will face the submergence threat at the worlds one of the biggest Mangroove forest lands, Sunderban’s.  Maldives Srilanka , all of them are going to get submerged sooner or later..and some even before the end of this century.IPCC Fifth Assessment report also say’s that the impact of climate change might originate serious food crisis in the tropical countries. The climate change is already affecting the production levels, for example there is a sharp fall in the production of Kharif crops in India and also of the pulses.Their s a visible increment in the occurrence of sudden climatic events and prolonged draughts, late rains etc. Ice sheets are melting rapidly and Arctic will be ice free before the end of this century.FUrther melting of Antarctic ice sheets presents a grave danger for entire humanity.We are like a toad sitting inside a pan feeling safe but the water beneath our feet is getting hotter rapidly. It is therefore of no surprise that Marshall island took legal steps against developed world, for failing to come to an agreement and provide with clear and visible options, as they are the first to pay for the sins of developed world. In this context, Issue of equity in Global Climate Change responsibility sharing is of paramount Importance.

The per capita emission of GHG by USA is nearly 20 tonnes, China, has achieved a level of 8.13 tonnes per capita. India emits 2.44 tonnes per capita. USA and China the biggest two polluters of the world came to an understanding earlier , acc to which by 2030 , China will reach its maximum emission limits and there on it will move down the trajectory , where as at the same time, USA aimed at INDC reduction target of 26% to 28% by 2025. China which claimed the first position in terms of Top Ten GHG( Green House Gas) emitters list with 25.26% of total global emission declared an INDC reduction target of 60% to 65% by 2030.USA earlier succeeded in breaking the firewall of Annex-1 and Annex-2 countries agreed upon during the KYOTO agreement. As Director of CSE , and a leading policy expert on climate change argues, that UPA govt in its ten year period helped USA dismantling the Equity firewall.Before moving further into this debate we must understand , what this Equity argument is all about. As agreed during the KYoto protocol, The countries of the world came to the agreement that since developed countries have polluted the post industrial world the most, their liability is important for global justice. It was also agreed that the developing world should provide the needed technology and will finance the emission reduction efforts of the least developing as well as of the developing world while reducing its emissions so that an easy and rapid transition could take place. USA by strong diplomatic efforts succeeded to break this equity understanding. It never signed the Kyoto protocol and bullied countries for the INDC.The fifth IPCC assessment report establishes the carbon budget of the planet at 3000 G tonnes.As Mr chandrachur another climate change expert argues that, USA with its 5% population has already used nearly 20 percent of the worlds Carbon budget whereas India with 18% population of the world has hardly used less then 5% of the global carbon budget.This is where equity issue comes in. Since, As Sunita Narain, Director CSE Argues, USA, along with CHina and EU have already utilized nearly or more then 50% of the global carbon budget, what will be left for the rest of the world to utilize for the development purpose?

Another issue as Chief economic advisor of India argued in the report submitted to govt is of finance and technology transfer. Taking a realist or pragmatic view he argued that since developed world is not going to finance rest of the world’s climate change efforts and will never transfer technology at throw away prices to least developing or developing countries, therefor Indian govt should try to develop and find its own methods to deal with the upcoming climate crisis.The Global Climate change fund established at the beginning of this decade envisaged a 1 trillion dollar funding before the end of this decade. Less then ten billions have come to the fund so far. That too out of philanthropic effort of Norway govt. This shows callousness of developed world and passivity in its effort.Also in the name of technology transfer only lip service has been done so far and in near future it looks improbable  that any technology transfer effort will originate from the developed world.Therefore , it becomes imperative for the least developed and developing world to enforce equity issue and manage to introduce and sustain the Common But Differentiated Responsibility mechanism so as to ensure that developed world should not walk free , all absolved of its past colonial crimes and post industrial emissions. It is necessary for the negotiating countries of the world to maintain global justice and inhibit any attempt of the developed world to shift the weight of Climate change mitigation and adaptation effort on the least developed and developing world , who have not attained their required level of development.The Right to  development is imperative for the least developing countries and the developing countries like India already facing the plight of sudden and unexpected climatic events like prolonged heat waves , Draught (Marathwada , Gujarat, Harayana, west UP, AP) food crisis..etc.Their must be a parity and equity in sharing right to development and fighting climate change. The fight for equity must go hand in hand with the fight for climate change, so that every one can have equitable rgt of development. The developed world must understand what Gandhi once said, that ” Earth provides enough to satisfy every man’s need but not every man’s greed.” Mahatma is always relevant.

Human and Biodiversity

Diversity is something which is intrinsic to evolution and vice-versa. We all read terms like “Biodiversity” , “Cultural Diversity” “Political Diversity”. so on and so forth. In the terms of Biological sciences, The more diverse , the more healthy an ecosystem will be. Actually diversity in biology represents — healthy chances of survival and favorable conditions for growth, for example , the tropics are more favorable for growth and survival of Living organisms and hence it has far more greater biodiversity then any other biome.Diversity leads to wider tropic levels and healthy options for an organism to prey and live. EVen to autotrophs evolution has provided with mechanisms to defend and survive. Nature knows no , differentiation like us “The humans”.For example in equatorial climate trees  grow to great altitudes with buttressed root system which gives them solid base and healthy absorption of water as run offs are quite fast.Every plant strives for sunlight and then you have epiphytes representing symbiotic relationships. Such brilliant organisation. Tremendous , isnt it ?? The survival of an organism depends upon how much will it restores after every fall. That means , Survival of fittest as darwin propounded. From the microorganism to macro-organism, every one striving hard to flourish and yet at the same time representing an organized way of life.It amazes me , the organizational diversity and the mechanisms to fight any contingency.There cannot be any better example of an organization then Nature , as the goal of entire range of species is survival and reproduction while at the same time maintaining the balance.The carrying capacity must be maintained and the development must be sustainable.From broad leaves to pointed nail like leaves, nature has different mechanisms at different biome levels.

With such strong basic developmental orientation inherently designed to maintain ecological balance,  still we hear and see widely pervasive warnings and threat to biodiversity to the  extent of a cataclysmic end of earth. The questions that haunt us are whether real or just a part of wider controversy often perplexes us.Whether to live in now and enjoy life or to think about the future generation and restore the balance–already been disturbed out of anthropogenic activities ?? Are the threats real? How much time do we have ? what shall we do ? What are the core issues which need our immediate attention? Are we human’s — a part of the ecosystem–are against the very survival of earth? Are we against our own survival? Are we the anomalies in the organisational system who out of their inherent self interest have devastated the environment and ecology to such an extent that now only prolongation of the catastrophic events can only be done? How long can we sustain the pressure ? How long the idea of so called sustainable development can procrastinate the end of all living species? The latest IPCC report –Fifth assessment report–substantiate four facts quite clearly.

1. We humans have crossed the carrying capacity of the earth.

2. Anthropogenic activities are solely responsible for climate change.

3. The rate of extinction of species on earth has become 100–1000 times faster in the anthropogenic era then earlier era.

4. Climate change is inevitable and so are the catastrophic events , we can only minimize the effect and sustain ourselves       for a longer time so as to find new  models, mediums and systems of survival.

The human impact on ecology and environment has been overstated –one argument. But then after the industrial era , not only the extinction rate and threat to ecology but climate overturns have become real and frightening.SO to me their’s No doubt that We the human’s are the anomaly in the system , like viruses , sucking blood out of every other species and at the same time pretending to be herbivores.

We are completely confused. Fighting over the pragmatism of the various threats to earth. Though it is important to check the authenticity of reports but yet what seems visible should not be overviewed in order to befool our own selves..No??

The climate change effects are quite visible , whether it be arctics getting ice free or great sink holes appearing in siberia, or disturbed El-nino effects in tropics and mid latitudes or torrential downpours in Tropics where rains used to widespread through out the months. Heavy rains and then prolong droughts are quite visible. California is going through one of its harshest drought ever and In India , we are having deficient monsoon in a line for the past two years.The coral threat is real and whatever remaining corals we have they are undergoing bleaching at large.

What efforts are we putting in to save the earth?? Sustainable development ??? if one looks’at the situation with even a superficial observation , he/she wont deny that it’s graver then one presumes. The first effort is to make consensus on the fact that , It’s happening ….And we are yet doing it …Please dont be amazed..The second effort is to align our efforts with the concept of sustainable development but then who knows what actually sustainable development is.?? Whether it should be seen from the eyes of nature and species or from human view, for the difference between both views can touch sky.What are we trying to save , Us or the earth ?? That’s also an interesting question …DO we think that our morality is compromised for our self interest has overtaken our conscience ??? The third effort is to fight over making consensus to make consensus that climate change is for real and happening at a rate faster then any report substantiates. The next effort is for the global governance to make parties agree on certain agendas in the direction of restoration of earth to its normal state…..But then its impossible now as per IPCC Fifth assessment report. The fight is also over who is more responsible ?? The dilemmas are graver…..The governments are confused , how to balance their effort to uplift standard of living of their citizens with global efforts to save environment and ecology. The pressures are large , for the dwindling ecosystems are putting wild life in confrontation with human. What to save and what to not ??? Whom to support and whom to not ? Tigers are few but then human’s are rarer then tigers…No??? Diclofenacs are more important then vultures. Sparrows are state bird but there’s no effort in direction of curtailing communication towers…for its still quite unclear whether they are cause leading to dwindling no’s of sparrows , that too after several reports…Dolphins and rivers are less important then water channels and commercial activities. Hills and plateaus  and the life they support and sustain with inherent biodiversity are less important then the minerals they hide..The exploitation of nilgiris becomes more important then Dongaria Kondh’s …The Jarava’s are less important then tourism… The Elephants are less important then highways…their habitats are compromised in order to facilitate road coverage ….Western Ghats are open to exploitation even when the endemic nature and extinction threat to its biodiversity is larger then to himalayas….The human greed has no ends…

We still are evolving and we still are not able to understand that evolution is subject to diversity…..Not greed..We must understand and must act in order to align our efforts. Its a global challenge…It;s not a day dream ..The threats are for real and we must have to act with consensus to save not only us but the whole planet with its biodiversity..Or else our conscious will never forgive us for the extinction of diversity that we inherited …..

Anxiety and Me

As I entered the room , I  looked fit, physically. Oh!  Of-course I am. I thought it was mental fitness which compelled me day after day to become more abstract in expressions.The sudden overturns in mood often draw me towards galloping depths of abysmal abyss. Its cyclical as it happens every week .People celebrate their weekends by toasting beers , and I here in my closet use to celebrate my weekend in self pity with fully or completely drowned in tears. The countdown often begins with sudden mood swings which I often fail to acknowledge until it culminates into a full grown storm of anxiety which obviously ends in some deep cries or some washing away of all that is unwanted and unwarranted. The unprecedented pain that these cycles of Anxiety usually carry with it, is beyond words.  I had always abhor this sort of living as I have never been used to it and now deeply driven by it I fancy to conflate it . Perhaps something went wrong with my stars or maybe they are too bruised and busy in contemplating their funeral in some inexplicable tricky ways so as to perplex the  world. I fancy such words like joy , like happiness , like incredible , wait! Wait a second!  Incredible is something I am very well aware of. Of-course I do, I feel incredible shocks of anxiety every now and then. See, this is how my father taught me, How to translate your feelings into catchy statements. My father often advice me that , son , when u are translating , do two things

  1. Imagine
  2. Deliver in words which are everyday in use but profound in understanding.

I never did it. Perhaps I never ever even tried to be a good son or maybe I never thought that my father deserved some sense of understanding on my part. Some guilt is inevitable in our lives. The effort is to minimise, of-course the injury. I also fancy some meaning out of my cerebral incapacity to deal with these sudden gusts of anxieties. Perhaps lonely star cries too much and in the process dies out of its own mass. Then there is absolute nothingness that prevails wide and large over my sight. I do and most often fail to recognize that what i perceive depressive is a blessing in disguise. How many of us are blessed with this ability to wash our own selves of our own selves?  Very few indeed, I agree but then I never wanted this. To demand something out of life, we all fantasize it but this???? I never longed for such a dismaying outcome. Sometimes unwanted gifts bring forth  a continuum of endless longings and yearnings. Yeah one thing that I learnt during this whole so called journey ( from nothingness to nothingness)  is,  capability to disguise sorrows into happiness. Perhaps I never presumed such a level of long lasting cycles of solitude. I don’t know how people proclaim that solitude propels their flight, It nearly killed mine. I envy such people. I visit my solitude whenever I need some space to do so-called coward act of conjuring tears out of my eyes. It seems perfect at time. This art u know , to conjure tears out of now where , without anything to cry for but yet when these fire balls roll down the slipper bumpy roads , I don’t know how and what makes me feel good? Whether there is something called good? And if it persists , it must be luxury of some hardcore evangelist who  enforces self made standards on abstract things. I don’t know what asks me to forget every damn thing and just be lost in crying, washing one’s self of one’s own self. Emptying one’s self is a necessity in this terrible world which always wishes to make u rotate on its own term and conditions. I fancy such life where I can live by my rules and can afford my own wishes. I envy people who live one or may be many live in a single moment. I wish I could learn it.

And as I look back, I see ,I wrote a whole damn essay while evaporating my pathetic condition. I presume, readers gonna puke their vile upon me in a disguised fashion known as sympathy. We don’t need sympathy we need good listeners who can listen to us incessantly without being uncomfortable for a second. Do they exist? Seek and shall you find (bible) . But then I m gonna cry once more and wash it all out of me. Alas I found some use of this anxiety.


“Once Again”


So many things to share.
I m crumbling once again.
So many words to utter.
I m mumbling once again.
Troubled or lost ,
I m shaking once again.
Hands on key pad , eyes on words ,
I m struggling once again.
Wanting sighs and a bit of punctuation to hold by ..
.I m shivering once again.
At the crux lie so many nights ,
so many yearnings rise high like a tide
like perturbations in time m floating once again
at the bottom, midst tidy rows
riding on lows, longings flow
I m juggling once again.
Like moments seizing me or me seizing moments ,
I m trembling once again ..
Once again Nostalgia hit my grounds ,
M here on my bed involuntary
evaporating once again…
I am Crumbling once again…….